Today I sat down on the uptown train with a bag for the gym, a lunch packed, my business casual outfit on and ear buds in. Who would have thought I’d be sitting on a train in the middle of the FiDi headed to a summer job on the Upper East Side? It’s been almost 6 months since relocating to NYC and I feel like this is my home. At times, like last night at the final moments of a 14 hour work day, I feel too tired to keep pushing to the next thing. I’ve gone through a variety of emotions and thought processes and ideas and prayers (though probably not as many prayers as thoughts) in the last month than I feel like I’ve ever gone through in my life to date. But it feels like home nonetheless.
In the city, each day holds an unpredictable amount of opportunities. The schedule I think of and go through in my head at night as I lay still, staring at the inside of my eyelids and strolling through my mind, inevitably becomes something completely different than I imagined or planned. In the city, preparation is everything. At the beginning of the day you bring whatever you may need (and even things you think you might not need) with you. It may rain or it may not, you could meet a potential employer or you may not, your phone battery may last the whole day but it might not. You may have time to come home for lunch or you may not. You may get a call to babysit a 9yr. old who wants to play soccer after you’re finished working your business casual 9-5 job or you may not. In any case, a successful New Yorker is prepared for everything. I stuff an umbrella in my purse, load my resume onto Google drive, pocket my phone charger, grab a cliff bar, a t-shirt, comfortable shoes, and a water bottle. Bring it, NYC. I’m ready.
Still, regardless of how organized a planner you are, no day ever goes exactly how you may have imagined.
Sitting on the uptown train with my carefully prepared purse and gym bag, somewhere between Grand Central and 59th street station, I wonder: “Have I missed the metaphor? Have I gotten so caught up in the tyranny of the urgent that I’ve lost sight of eternity?”
The epiphany continues as I leave the train and forgo the crowded escalator for the 4 flights of stairs to exit the subway. As I reach the last flight, my legs remind me of the run I took the day before, and I think, “Do I prepare spiritually for the city each day as I do physically each day?” I think not.
I emerge into the summer heat that is NYC in July, walk past Bloomingdales on my left and Victoria’s Secret on my right and take a left on E. 58th toward the A+D Building and the Bloomberg Tower. A mecca of power and influence, this tiny little island in the North East.
Often, I leave my sword at home. Sometimes I forget to put on the shoes of peace. Almost everyday I fasten the belt of truth too loosely. The fruit of the spirit is not overflowing from my bag and rolling onto the subway platform. My heart is not always grounded in the security of my status as a child of God. I forget to charge and fill my mind with his Word. My spiritual eyes are not fixed on Jesus and are easily distracted. And most times, my gaze doesn’t look beyond the screen of my phone from my spotify playlist or NPR “This American Life” podcast.
If my spiritual preparedness were manifested in a tangible way, I would look disheveled, distracted, and unprofessional. I’d be wearing flip-flops, a tank top with cutoff shorts, crazy hair, stumbling around because I forgot to put my contacts in, and I’d end up going the wrong direction on the train. It would be a nightmare of a mess, y’all. Of course, I don’t believe everyday I’m that spiritually disorganized because God’s grace does help in time of need. But, you get the picture.
As I enter the elevator of the A+D Building across from the Bloomberg Tower and ride it up to the 9th floor, the epiphany resolves and I conclude, “If I leave my apartment spiritually half-dressed, unprepared and unfocused…how do I expect to survive this city?” How, indeed. I won’t. That’s just it. The city is so “spiritually charged” as a friend of mine put it to me last month. If I live my life here in a state of unaware unpreparedness, I will fail. The spirits at work in this city, other than the Holy Spirit (spirit of success, greed, lust, busyness, power, intellect, etc..) can easily overwhelm me with their lies and cause me to fail if I’m unprepared. For someone who has a latent fear of failure, I’m not doing a splendid job of preventing spiritual failure, am I?
I greet my coworker, Megan, sit down at my desk and pull out the to-do list. So how will I recalibrate? How will I refocus? The city requires something different. A different approach to spiritual growth. It demands a certain amount of intentionality and preparation. And God says he will be with us.
I’m at work and thinking about how to create new habits, new perspectives. God is at work too. I can’t always see it, but even in my commuting epiphany he reminds me of his faithfulness to guard and protect. He also reminds me why spiritual preparation is important. It’s not only for my “safety”. It’s so I can be the best instrument of his truth and grace and love to the people in my life here. My coworkers, brother, roommates, employers, fellow commuters, and other friends. It’s to bring him the most glory. It’s to shine the light as brightly and with as much precision as I can. It’s to live with joy and confidence and assurance. Spiritual preparation leads to abundant life. It secures a wholeness of perspective and it brings with it the freedom to live and love as Christ does: fully, faithfully, and well.
I enter the login ID and password on the computer and begin the work day. My phone lights up. I glance down. It looks like I’ll be playing soccer with that 9yr. old after all. Good thing I brought my tennis shoes with me.
{Kelsey Leigh}
Delightful Scribblings 